Accountant statuses
A large collection of the funniest statuses, aphorisms and quotes about accountants.
X A good accountant is expensive, and a bad accountant is even more expensive...
B The accountant of the tire factory put a comma in the wrong place, and brought the plumber Shmotkin into the Forbes top 10!
A Our sponsor is the nail salon "Accountant". Nail salon "Accountant" we only have invoices...
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X A good accountant should always have a budget.
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N the sane accountant does not realize...
U hit the auditor - save the accountant!!!
IN All means are good, except non-cash ones.
D To adequately reflect movement Money in Russian conditions, two accounts were added to accounting: “pro@@ali” and “sp@@dili”.
E If the result does not depend on the method of solution, this is mathematics, and if it does, this is accounting.
U The only thing missing from a good accountant is a skirt.
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R Previously, at the institute I passed the accounting exam on the third try, now at work I submit the annual tax report on the third attempt...
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R An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaning lady the director's salary. Three people have heart attacks...
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WITH No matter how much you reduce the accountant’s work, he will still submit the reports on the last day.
E If at three o'clock in the morning they call a taxi, and at the same time everyone is SOBE - that means they are definitely accountants!
AND a woman who counts her money is lonely, a woman who counts not only her money is married, a woman who does not count her money is successfully married, a woman who does not count other people's money is a mistress, a woman who counts other people's money is an accountant.
B accountant on the phone: - ... You consider this from the point of view common sense, not the tax code...
B an accountant is not a profession, an accountant is a diagnosis....
IN eternity consists of reporting periods......
N and no orgasm can compare with the feeling that an accountant experiences when he gets intimate annual balance enterprises...
D Fuck with a loan does not agree, but person with person always gets along.
N A real accountant doesn't put money in her bra!!!
WITH Now the accountant ran into the office, grabbed the scissors from my table and ran away. Someone's salary will be cut...
WITH There are three types of lies: bragging, lying and reporting.
U For female accountants, in addition to monthly periods, there are also quarterly and annual ones.
M After sex, many girls ask for a cigarette, and only the accountant Irina asks for a certificate of completed work.
B Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.
IN Do you want to receive your salary on time? Then borrow money from an accountant and say “I’ll pay you back from your salary”...
N Don’t irritate your accountant - this can have a bad effect not only on your health, but also on your salary!
E If your accountant pays all taxes, let him receive his salary from the tax office!
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N An unfortunate wish for an accountant: “So that your money is not transferred!”
Z You go to the accounting department - no one... You go to Odnoklassniki - oops! Accounting!
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ABOUT From the uprising of the machines, the aunts from the accounting department will save us. You get out of the shelter, you see a broken Skynet and Aunt Alevtina: I didn’t press anything!
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TO We were taught black accounting from school, when they said - “we write one, two in our minds!”
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IN The director’s father sits in the car and thinks: “The meeting has gone on for a long time, it’s already four o’clock in the morning, now he’ll definitely send for the accountant!”
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— U me new accountant, born in 1951. Imagine, I took the abacus away from him, so now he counts on the computer in Notepad... in a column!
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B accountant Sidorov, when receiving the passport, out of habit, signed his director.
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R EKLAMA:
A team of accountants will assist your company in any financial difficulties. Experience and criminal record available.
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ABOUT advertisement: The organization is looking for an accountant! Reward guaranteed!!!
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ABOUT notice on the doors of the accounting department: “The cartridge is out. There will be no salary today.”
Talk in the smoking room of two accountants:
Hello, Elena Yurievna!
- Hello, Gennady Vasilievich!
- Elena Yuryevna, you are my debit balance, and would you like to participate with me in a consolidated financial statements this evening, at about eight o'clock, eh? I guarantee full autonomy of the enterprise and gross income, I take administrative costs and other operating expenses onto my balance sheet
- Come on, Gennady Vasilyevich. I know you, as soon as you accept a couple of investments, you will immediately begin to rank your essence over my forms, and this is with your non-current assets. Another good thing will end with leasing. And I am a decent woman, I have Current responsibility. Founder of me at home equity waiting, hungry and angry. And I still need to run to the shops - to bribe raw materials. So, sorry, I can't. Sometime next reporting period. Goodbye!
- Eh! - Gennady Vasilyevich sighed to himself, looking after her, - what retained earnings disappears!
And she went further and further along the corridor, shaking her assets and embodying the benefits of future periods.
You cannot pay taxes correctly on your own. Proven by tax authorities.
There's not a joke that accounting can't turn into a memo.
From the report of the head of the tax office: “It is difficult to find black wages in the black economy, especially when there is no economy.”
A taxi driver I know said: “If a taxi is called at three o’clock in the morning, and everyone is SOBE, it means they’re definitely accountants!”
Tax Inspectorate about accountants: “And yet they move around!”
It’s hard to like taxes at first glance, so you have to take a closer look and go around them a couple of times...
The biggest challenge facing parliamentarians is how to extract money from taxpayers without affecting voters.
In the company, at the height of the working day, wild screams are heard, guys in camouflage and masks rush in. Everyone is cheating, there is a cry: “Lie down, this is a robbery!” Chief Accountant, sinking to the floor: “They scared me, you bastards, I thought it was the tax police...”
A deranged accountant is not aware of this.
A tax audit is like a minibus. Gone?! Another one is already on its way!
Previously, at the institute I passed the accounting exam on the third try, now at work I submit the annual tax report on the third attempt...
Why are accountants mostly women? Because there is nothing to hang them on.
IN new version of the 1C-Accounting 8 program, the issue of improving the toolbar is being considered. Instead of the standard "Recalculate" button, the "Recalculate the way I want" buttons, "Recalculate the way I want" buttons will be added. tax office", "Recalculate without source data" and "Recalculate correctly".
An intelligent-looking man appears in the office of a trading company and, right from the threshold, smiling joyfully, greets everyone present: Good day! I'm from the tax office...
Accountant Sidorov, upon receiving the passport, out of habit, signed his director.
If the balance does not come together immediately, then there is an error in it. If the balance finally comes together, that means there are two mistakes.
I somehow didn’t like the phrase of our chief accountant, uttered with hysterical laughter: “What difference does it make whether you’re imprisoned for a hundred thousand or a billion and a half?”
An accountant cannot delay his salary - he will take it himself, and much more.
An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaning lady the director's salary. Three people have heart attacks...
There is a special place in hell for accountants who send details to in electronic format picture.
Accounting. Everyone is sitting with computers, calculators, counting. An old abacus hangs on the wall under glass. And under the glass there is a hammer and the signature: “In an emergency, break the glass”...
I have a new accountant, born in 1951. Imagine, I took the abacus away from him, so now he counts on the computer in Notepad... in a column!
And the heroes Debit and Credit came out for a fair and equal fight not for life, but for death. And they “stood” opposite each other days and nights until the accountant reconciled the balance sheet in double-entry bookkeeping...
Two accountants are sitting, making a report. One thoughtfully asks: “Ol, how much older are you than me?” - For 2 years and 3 quarters. . .
Dialogue in accounting:
Ira, you are probably missing something in your life....
- In terms of?
- You wrote the word “crushed stone” without the letter “sch” on the bills. Four times.
Why does an accountant need Wi-Fi on vacation? That's right, for work!
And the accountant will not leave his job at all until all the profit on the reports is converted into profit on the account!
When the boss talked about the start of the project “ White salary“, I thought that now the accounting department would go through as much as we received. But I never expected that we would receive as much as we received in accounting...
After arrival Soviet power organized a collective farm in one of the villages of Central Asia. They elected a chairman, but there was no one worthy to appoint as an accountant. Well, they took one Uzbek, the smartest one, and sent him to Moscow, to accounting courses.
He returned to his native village and began to work quietly. I started two ledgers at the beginning of the year. He called the first one “COMING” - and carefully wrote down all the documents for the arrival there. He called the second “GONE”, and in the same way he recorded all expense transactions there. And I worked quietly like this for a whole year. But now the year is over - we need to make a balance. I sat down and began to compose. He suffered for a long time, but his balance does not work, nothing works out, debits and credits do not match. Then this Uzbek accountant got thoughtful, thought all day, remembered what they taught in the courses.... He took it and started a THIRD book - and called it “GONE AND NEVER CAME AGAIN”!
Personnel officer coming to hire a job:
- You don’t look mobile enough for your age.
- Who do you need - an accountant or a monkey?
The narc got a job as an accountant. Got high. The invoice says: “$1000 was taken away by mice.”
Director:
- What are you, a wild boar, some kind of mouse?! I personally checked the warehouse of not a single mink!
Narc, raising his red tired eyes:
- Well, what are they... - bats.
The director of the winery and his accountant came to the regional city on official business. When they turned to the hotel in the evening to spend the night, they were told that there was a room with one free bed.
- What do we do? - asked the director
“Sleep in the same bed,” answered the accountant.
- How are we going to SLEEP? As a director with an accountant or as a husband and wife?
- Like a HUSBAND AND WIFE...
We undressed and lay down on the bed. The Director TURNED TO THE WALL AND... STARTED SNORING.
We ordered a 17-inch monitor for one accountant instead of her old 15... Brought it, unpacked it, connected it. I turn it on - it works. Well, great, I'll go to work...
Half an hour later this madam comes:
- So!!! I didn't understand!!!
- What? Does not work?
- Did you install the monitor? And left!!!…
- So what?
- Who will transfer the information?
- Where?
- How!!! From old monitor to new!!!
- Uh... (How can I describe this in words)
On my own behalf, I can add that the only information on the old monitor was a couple of Pokemon on suction cups and a calendar eaten by cockroaches for 1999...
One day, the American government acquired a deserted piece of land for a landfill. A night watchman was hired to guard the landfill.
After some time, an inspection established that the watchman was working completely without instructions. By special order of Congress, a Planning Department was created with two employees: to write instructions and to monitor its work. After some time, it was necessary to check the work of the watchman: a Control Department was created with two employees - for direct supervision of the watchman and for writing reports on the work. To check the financial discipline of these departments, an Accounting Department was created with a timekeeper and accountant, and for general management it was necessary to create an Administrative Department with a chief, his deputy and a lawyer.
A year later, Congress discovered that government costs for the landfill had exceeded $18,000 and a decision was made to save money.
The watchman was fired.
Examples of explanatory notes for those late for work.
* Last night our entrance was painted with bad paint. I left the apartment and my right leg stuck, I tore off my right leg, my left leg stuck, I tore off my left. Then a neighbor came out and got stuck too, so I had to help her. As a result, I was 15 minutes late.
* I was three hours late, because after yesterday’s corporate holiday, in your honor, by the way, I came to my senses on a bench in a park in the city of Fryazino. How I got there, I don’t know.
* I, Oleg Petrov, was late for work due to the fault of Mosgortrans. An emergency happened in the trolleybus in which I was traveling. The driver was apparently drunk and his horns fell off. For a long time he did not admit that his horns had fallen, and said that we would go now. And since he was drunk, he could not lift them. Then he finally admitted that the horns had fallen, but a lot of time had passed. Then I walked three stops to work, since there were no trolleybuses.
* I was late for work because of my healthy lifestyle! I went to work early, but due to my lack of cigarettes, I was hit hard on the head. I went to the first aid station, but it was closed. Then I bought a bottle of vodka and began to wash the wound. That's why I smell like alcohol, my face is broken, and poor speech and poor coordination are the result of a concussion! I didn't drink, honestly.
* I was three hours late for work because I didn’t have money for the tram and I got lost and couldn’t find your street. Came not to work clothes, since I don’t have another one, but there will be one soon!
* I come to work later and later because in the morning I run with the dog and at the same time we watch the sunrise, and the sun rises later and later. This will happen until December 22. After which I commit to coming to work earlier and earlier.
A gross error was made in accounting, which had dire consequences. The enraged boss runs into the room and grabs the accountant by the chest:
- One of the two of us is an idiot: either you or me!
Accountant(calmly):
- Chief, could you, with your experience and foresight, hire an idiot?
An accountant came with a friend to the Natural History Museum. Stopping near the dinosaur, he said to his friend:
- This dinosaur is two million years and ten months old.
- How did you know so accurately?
- Do the math for yourself: I was here ten months ago, and the guide said that the dinosaur is two million years old
One day an accountant was crossing the road. The frog called him and said: “Kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent down, picked it up and put it in his pocket. The frog again: “Kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful princess. I’ll stay with you for a week.” The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and put it back in his pocket. The frog begged: “Kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you forever, I will do whatever you say.” The accountant took out the frog again, smiled and put it back in his pocket. The frog was surprised: “What’s the matter? I’m telling you, I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll live with you, do whatever you say. Why don’t you kiss?” The accountant responded: “You see, I am an accountant, I don’t have time for girls, but a talking frog is cool!”
Manufacturers software The US has made a stunning discovery. It turns out that the reading speed of Russians is hundreds of thousands of times higher than the reading speed of Americans. This became obvious after counting the milliseconds it takes the average Russian to read the user (license) agreement and click “AGREE”.
School friends got together 20 years later. They began to tell who became who. Masha was a doctor, Petya was an engineer, Vitya was a programmer, Olya was an accountant... And Vovochka became a general.
Everyone started talking here:
- Yes, in your life 2x2 you didn’t know how much it would be! How did you become a general?!
Vovochka barks in a commanding voice:
- And I still don’t know! - slamming his fist on the table. - But by morning it will be!
Checking accounting documentation at a food warehouse, the auditor discovered the item “Funds allocated for the maintenance of a device for quality control of fish products.” The auditor spent a long time rummaging through the accompanying technical documentation - they do not have such a device. In the end I asked to demonstrate this device.
It turned out, accountants couldn't figure it out, how to write off money spent on food for the warehouse cat Evlampius.
The riot police are stopped by a grandfather who is carrying something in flasks on a horse.
- Show me what you’re bringing, grandfather, there’s a whirlwind of anti-terrorism here.
Grandfather is scared
- Yes, coconut milk, I’m bringing sour cream.
- Well, let me try, grandpa, we’ve never tried it before.
Well, they tried it, they say
- Well, milk is good, okay, go with God.
Well, the old man takes the reins and says to the horse, “But Coconut, who got up, let’s go....”
Dad, what is an alternative?
- It’s difficult to explain in a nutshell, but here’s an example:
- You work at a factory, from year to year you plow and plow, gradually saving money. One day, you have enough money to move to the village. You buy a dozen eggs and hatch chickens from them. You feed them, water them, take care of them, they grow up and begin to lay eggs. And you put them in the incubator and now you have thousands of chickens. You take care of them and now you have thousands of adult chickens. And now these thousands of chickens begin to lay eggs - you are already a cool farmer! And then the flood is complete...! And your whole farm is washed away, everything is dead, everything is washed away...
- Dad, where is the alternative?
- Ducks, son, ducks!
You cannot pay taxes correctly on your own. Proven by tax authorities.
There's not a joke that accounting can't turn into a memo.
From the report of the head of the tax office: “It is difficult to find black wages in the black economy, especially when there is no economy.”
A taxi driver I know said: “If a taxi is called at three o’clock in the morning, and everyone is SOBE, it means they’re definitely accountants!”
We were taught black accounting from school, when they said: “We write one, two in our minds!”
Tax Inspectorate about accountants: “And yet they move around!”
A few hours ago, the tax office building caught fire. Citizens helped in whatever way they could: some with coal, some with firewood, and some with gasoline...
It’s hard to like taxes at first glance, so you have to take a closer look and go around them a couple of times...
The biggest challenge facing parliamentarians is how to extract money from taxpayers without affecting voters.
Who is an accountant? which solves your problems. that you didn't know about, in a way that you don't understand.
"Eh!" - Gennady Vasilyevich sighed to himself, looking after her - “What retained earnings are being lost...”
You must pay taxes as it is written in the law, and what is written in the law is decided by the tax office.
In the company, at the height of the working day, wild screams are heard, guys in camouflage and masks rush in. Everyone is cheating, there is a cry: “Lie down, this is a robbery!” The chief accountant, sinking to the floor: “They scared me, you bastards, I thought it was the tax police...”
A deranged accountant is not aware of this.
A tax audit is like a minibus. Gone?! Another one is already on its way!
Previously, at the institute I passed the accounting exam on the third try, now at work I submit the annual tax report on the third attempt...
Why are accountants mostly women? Because there is nothing to hang them on.
The new version of the 1C-Accounting 8 program considers improving the toolbar. Instead of the standard "Recalculate" button, the buttons "Recalculate the way I want", "Recalculate the way the tax office wants", "Recalculate without source data" and "Recalculate correctly" will be added.
An intelligent-looking man appears in the office of a trading company and, right from the threshold, smiling joyfully, greets everyone present: Good day! I'm from the tax office...
Accountant Sidorov, upon receiving the passport, out of habit, signed his director.
If the balance does not come together immediately, then there is an error in it. If the balance finally comes together, that means there are two mistakes.
I somehow didn’t like the phrase of our chief accountant, uttered with hysterical laughter: “What difference does it make whether you’re imprisoned for a hundred thousand or a billion and a half?”
An accountant cannot delay his salary - he will take it himself, and much more.
An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaning lady the director's salary. Three people have heart attacks...
There is a special place in hell for accountants who send details electronically with a picture.
Accounting. Everyone is sitting with computers, calculators, counting. An old abacus hangs on the wall under glass. And under the glass there is a hammer and the signature: “In an emergency, break the glass”...
What do an accountant and a bra have in common? Both one and the other can hide something that is better not to be shown, or they can create the appearance of something that does not really exist.
I have a new accountant, born in 1951. Imagine, I took the abacus away from him, so now he counts on the computer in Notepad... in a column!
And the heroes Debit and Credit came out for a fair and equal fight not for life, but for death. And they “stood” opposite each other days and nights until the accountant reconciled the balance sheet in double-entry bookkeeping...
At the enterprise tax audit. Everything is correct, there is nothing to complain about. The accountant is happy! The tax inspector too: You are fined! For mocking the tax inspectorate.
Two accountants are sitting, making a report. One thoughtfully asks: “Ol, how much older are you than me?” - For 2 years and 3 quarters. . .
Dialogue in the accounting department: - Ira, you are probably missing something in your life.... - What do you mean? - You wrote the word “crushed stone” without the letter “sch” on the bills. Four times.
Why does an accountant need Wi-Fi on vacation? That's right, for work!
Something has become boring in our group
Let's have a quick snack with cupcakes
Let's make coffee 
or green tea, or maybe black tea, whoever likes it = everything for a snack
Let's laugh about our pain
Never do anything right the first time - otherwise no one will appreciate how difficult it was later
There are many ways to make a career, and the surest one is to be born into the right family.
Only accountants could determine the date of the beginning of the world.
From the lips of an accountant: “What are you all about?
No orgasm can compare with what you experience when the balance converges!
If you look like the photo in your passport, then it’s time for you to go on vacation.
Don’t rush to throw away old registers and reports! Throw them away slowly, with pleasure.
I used to love books, but now NK is published.
If a tax audit is taking a suspiciously long time, it’s time to do accounting entry Dt04 Kt10.
If, when filling out the “payable” line of the declaration, the columns seem too narrow to you, it’s time to attend advanced training courses
If a black man crossed your path on the way to work tax inspector with empty buckets - it's time to take a vacation
Rejoice, now the “Kama Sutra” has been printed for accountants - all poses in NK
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The life of an accountant is divided into submitting a report and remembering it
and your freedom - VAT
And if it weren’t for taxes, what would we all be doing?
Murphy's Law for Accountants:
If the balance does not converge, then there is one error in it.
If the balance is correct, then there are two errors in it.
Money is harm. They keep us from loving the IRS.
If you break the rules, you are fined; if you follow the rules, you are taxed. (Laurence Peter)
I paid my taxes and sleep peacefully. On benches, in basements, at the train station...
Radio interception. Center to Eustace: “Pay your taxes urgently.”
It is easier to make an accountant out of a person than to make a person out of an accountant...
This is a service, not a service; service will come!
If your accountant pays all taxes regularly, let him receive his salary from the tax office
A tax inspector is a person who always comes to the rescue
A good accountant is expensive, a bad accountant is even more expensive
HARMFUL ADVICE
What to do if you don’t have time to submit your report on time
1. Tell your boss that your computer is not working well, apparently it’s an unfavorable geomagnetic day.
2. If they don’t believe you right away, clarify that most likely some program is to blame.
3. If this doesn’t work, as if by accident, throw a cup of sweet coffee, preferably with liqueur, onto the keyboard.
You still have to do the report, but assign the work to a computer specialist.
At the same time, be prepared for some noise and groundless accusations against you.
4. As soon as the computer technician restores everything, invite him to have coffee with you.
And again, now throw both cups onto the keyboard or monitor with a loud cry:
“Be careful, Vova, what did you do, I have a report!”
5. If you need to turn on the kettle, and all the sockets are occupied, feel free to unplug the server’s power plug.
There should still be an uninterruptible power supply device, and if not, then the system engineer is to blame.
6. Ask one of your colleagues to explain how the scanner works, how to choose a sweet watermelon or insulate a balcony.
Immediately complain to your boss that you are being distracted from work with all sorts of nonsense just when you need to submit a report.
7. If this doesn’t work, delete a couple of important files.
First, the system specialist will simply restore them.
The second time, he'll think about it.
On the third day, he will finally pay attention to you.
As soon as he starts to explain something, follow the second part of point No. 6.
8. Ask one of your fellow accountants to help you with the report.
Find a bunch of mistakes in his work, but don’t focus the author’s attention on them, don’t accuse your colleague of incompetence.
Just ask right away which one educational institution he graduated, how did he get to this position and how long has he been doing this?
9. As a last resort, if the other eight methods do not help, without hesitation,
press different buttons on the keyboard, open a window, turn on the music and shout to your boss that it is simply impossible to work in such conditions.
In general we are mischievous
From the life of accountants /history/
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One day they brought an invoice from a grocery warehouse to write off the goods. The invoice indicated several packs of seeds with the note “Eat by some rodent or pecked by some bird”!
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Tax inspector to a young accountant: Why don’t assets and liabilities match up on your balance sheet? - Why should they agree? - But, excuse me, what about the principle? double entry? - Some people have double accounting, but for me everything is clean: no double accounting!
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It’s no secret that in a small enterprise, an accountant does everything possible, and even submits such calculations as fees for negative impact on environment. An explanatory note is attached to this calculation.
One of these notes read: “The source of water supply is the city sewerage system. Water is used for serving customers and cleaning the premises.”
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One day a friend calls and asks how you are doing?
And that day my boss brought me to task; there was something he could understand in the reporting.
I say that’s it, I’m tired, I’m quitting, etc. the boss doesn’t understand and all that...
And she answers me and says that after what her new director gave her, all this is nonsense. She brought the reconciliation report to the director for signature, he looked at it for a long time and at the end he said the phrase...
I’ll step back a little and remind you that we sometimes write the word “balance” “from-to”.
So the director’s phrase sounded like this: “Well, what number do I see “from”, but what “to” you didn’t write?”
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The next reporting period - everything is topsy-turvy... They ask me to hand over the calculator. I take the hole punch and hold it out... Now our hole punch will turn into a “Super Calculator”
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Passed quarterly reporting to the statistics department.
Today the madam from there called and said: “Our program does not accept linear meters - please count the veneer piece by piece?!!")))
For dessert Tax dictionary
Alternative humorous tax dictionary. We invite you to add your own interpretations to the dictionary in the comments.
Act - a directed action to suppress the will of the subject and the ability to resist
Checks – tutorial a novice auditor to look for violations of the law. In the sections: “And so it happens.” "Pearls".
Excise duty is a super tax. When regular taxes are not enough and the imagination is tight
Audit – psychophysiological examination of the subject entrepreneurial activity. With diagnosis and treatment prescription. At the expense of the patient. Sometimes it’s forced.
Bankruptcy is an artificial tax legal technique to avoid paying off debts or a way to ruin a competitor.
Accountant - see miner. A step to the right - a step to the left..... With an undiminished risk with each repeated crossing of a passage that was once cleared.
Accounting is a club of persistent, courageous and resourceful professionals, risk-takers.
A tax is a chokehold, bloodlessly taking the lives of national and scaring away international business entities. It is more effective than combat JUDO strangulation techniques and the use of operational-tactical nuclear weapons.
Amendment to tax law– you can’t figure it out without 0.5L of the national drink.
Checking - stress at the beginning, then due to circumstances or by order.
- planned – for planned budget replenishment,
- unscheduled - means social protection power from the rebellious.
Audit – requires expenses for snacks.
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Nothing strengthens faith in a person like an advance payment 
They gave me a salary for six months. It's a small thing, but nice.
BUSINESS PRAYER
office humor
Our Father, like him in the office.
May our work be easy.
May our bosses go on vacation.
May our will be done.
Same at work and at home.
Give us this day a day off.
And vacation for this week.
And holidays for this month.
And forgive us our absenteeism.
Just as we forgive our superiors.
Don't lead us into relegation.
But spare us the overtime.
For your kingdom lies in increasing wages and shortening the working day.
And give us Asya, without her this work would not be the kingdom of heaven.
And bury the system administrator under a host of floppy disks and compacts so that he will burn with a blue flame.
Spread, O Lord, heavenly tabernacles in the form of bars and pubs throughout the office, for this is the great blessing of your servants.
Do not leave, Lord, in the difficult hours of morning oblivion, give me strength
overcome headaches.
Make, Father, the whole world green, for green is the best color in your world, just like the color of American rubles.
Bring down a hail of dollars, euros and other benefits on our heads.
And take this our mite in the form of a prayer of thanks.
In the name of control, alt and holy divide.
